Hey kids! It’s time for Comrade Calendar’s Fall Coloring Contest!
See the hikers in the picture? They look happy, don’t they, strolling along that elevated walkway, blissfully unaware that the hills are literally crawling with gun-toting and very possibly mildly-to-severely intoxicated slayers-of-flesh?
How do you think they’d feel in the moments after hearing the thunder crack of the rifle, gazing lovingly into each other’s eyes as the blood drips through the boardwalk slats and pools in a crevice below?
Let’s not find out, shall we? Here’s your coloring assignment:
Select a crayon from the nearest 64-pack—if you’ve got the “fleshtones” assortment, may I suggest pumpkin?—and see just how safe you can get these poor people.
Send your completed entries to Comrade Calendar, 317 S. Orange St., for a shot at the grand prize: Some bit of free schlock sent to us by an unwitting publisher or record label.
In unrelated news, last Friday a robotic, twin-barreled anti-aircraft cannon in South Africa went nuts and began blasting away in a 360-degree arc, firing around 500 35mm shells in about a minute. Nine soldiers were killed, and around 11 were wounded.
The moral of the story: It’s hunting season, so be really, really careful, okay? And never trust a robotic gun. Also, like the now-brightly-colored folks in the photo, keep in mind that while reasonably decent vision is required so one can legally drive to the hunting grounds, no eye exam is necessary for a license to kill.
Having said all that, our outdoor roundup begins this week with a combo trip from the Rocky Mountaineers on Sat., Oct. 27. Your day begins at 8:30 AM in the K-Mart parking lot to drive to Idaho for a jaunty lope up to Savage Ridge, to be followed by a smattering of nudity (someone alert our arts editor!) and warm water at Jerry Johnson Hot Springs and the possibility of spending the evening at the Lochsa Lodge. Call 822-5000 to talk hot springs and 543-6508 for all other relevant topics.
Not wanting to be outdone by their elders, the New Rocky Mountaineers have something a little more extreme lined up for you. On Sat., Oct. 27, you’re invited to scale Warren Peak (10,453 feet) in the Anaconda-Pintler Range. The approach is a mild, five-mile hike, after which the trip organizers are predicting “an easy and fun fourth-class climb… with lots of knobby things to hold on to.” Hold onto your own knobby thing, and call Gerald at 549-4769.
If the prospect of ogling burly woods-runners, or of becoming one yourself, has you more jacked, Missoula’s Pattee Canyon is the place to be as the Montana Cup Cross Country Meet takes place on Sat., Oct. 27. Men race first at 1:30 PM, with ladies getting it in gear at 2:30, and it all begins at the Pattee Canyon Picnic Area. Visit montanacup.com.
A less competitive outdoor sojourn awaits in McCormick Park, where the Fall Family Fest brings young and old together at 1 PM on Sat., Oct. 27, for the great pumpkin hunt, hayrides, crafts, parachute games, cider pressing and more. The one-dollar entry fee supports youth recreation programs, so there’s really no down side to this one, is there? Call 721-PARK.
Later that same day, the auto-eschewing radicals at Free Cycles Missoula host a Bike Harvest Party at 3 PM at their compound at 732 S. First St. W. They’ve got lots of fun projects for you to get your hands greasy with, food and drink to fill your gut and music to soothe the savage bikebeast within. Call 541-7284.
And what would the Halloween outdoors be without some creepy tours? Meet at the UM Oval’s grizzly statue, where Haunted Campus begins at 4:30 PM on Sat., Oct. 27, with one-hour tours running through the grand old day itself. Call 829-0873 for more times and tickets.
Support a group of wintersporties who want to foster a more sustainable means by which to shred: The Missoula Backcountry Alliance presents The Sublimation Experiment at 7 PM on Sat., Oct. 27, at the Roxy Theater. A film about skiers, snowboarders and snowshoers who are trying to get right with Gaia, this is one not to miss. Call 370-5202.
Sleep off that wicked Mountain High, but don’t stay in bed too long, lest ye miss the Hellgate Canyon Restoration Project, which begins at 11 AM on Sun., Oct. 28, at the Hellgate Canyon Smokejumpers Trail, off the Kim Williams trail on the back side of Mount Sentinel. Spend a little time re-wilding the area, pulling weeds and removing garbage once you register by calling Jim at 542-1043 or Scott at (301) 785-5009.
The cemetery’s a great place to kick it anytime, and this week it’s actually an organized event. The Missoula Cemetery offers the Stories and Stones Historical Tour at 12:30 PM on Sun., Oct. 28, so for a look at the lives and times of the dead and famous, as well as a sampling of music, food and fun, it’d behoove you to be-headed in that direction.
And that, my bloody charges, is that. ‘Til next we meet, make applesauce from the apples and don’t eat anything that looks like fudge—it’s probably Ex-Lax.