The year began with the return of Guacamoto and the enjoyable events that followed. Guac unexpectedly returned to Motorheadquarters one cold morning from a disappointing sojourn to his home in Jamaica followed by a knowledge-gathering expedition that took him around the world.
Motorhead, in his ecstasy, bestowed upon Guac full partnership in Motorheadquarters. The fun and foibles of having him back by my side have made the year intriguing to say the least.
Then there was the appearance of Narleen, Motorhead's kid sister and her immaculately restored Hudson Commodore 8 Brougham, complete with inlaid abalone pinstriping.
What a treat that has been for me. Narleen is a sharp, witty, if somewhat caustic, addition and is always there to call bullshit.
The relationship between Guacamoto and Narleen, although somewhat rocky, has developed into a true love that even I cannot deny. Many of the antics that lead to this end were unfathomable; vision quests to the Grand Canyon and Las Vegas, pilgrimages to Wells, Nev., boot-loads of spaghetti. But, hey, the result is quite pleasing. I've even grown to accept their roaming to Jamaica together this holiday season.
I'm sure their stories will make new and exciting columns in the ensuing year.
And, what of Tyrone? Motorhead's 14-year-old son and another addition to 1997's columns? Tyrone must be the coolest kid on the earth. I enjoy his company so much. He does, however, have a way of misguiding me to excessive, if totally enjoyable, outings of bowling and playing a few bucks on the ponies. Nudge. nudge, wink, wink -- know what I mean?
In real life, things have happened to my best friends as well.
Wambli, the indigenous one who works for the Salish-Kootenai tribe, moved from the Land Lease department to the Cultural Preservation Committee. A start to fulfilling some of his lifelong dreams. I am so proud.
Ednor, the red-haired one, has a new son who he and his lovely wife Shannon named Hudson after Narleen's car. Hudson is a wonderful addition to my extended family. Already he's walking and talking, obviously a super-intelligent product of his mother and father.
All in all, 1997 was a very good year for Motorhead and his family. It was also the 25th year of wedded bliss for me and Mrs. Motorhead. I think I'll take her to New Zealand to celebrate. I'll keep you posted.
Oh, yeah, there was also an email letter from Dan, this week. It went like this:
I was wondering if you could answer a question for me. Occasionally when I shut my engine off, my car will sputter once or twice before completely shutting off. Is this something I should worry about? (Timing, or a bad timing belt, perhaps?) Any input would be appreciated.
Timing may be important to a comedian, and a timing belt is either good or bad. There is no in between. But in your case I can most assuredly, undeniably say that the problem lies with your idle speed. I mean to say how fast your engine is turning when you shut the car off and not your actual speed when you're idle, which is virtually no speed at all. Ask your mechanic to take a small screwdriver and just tweak your idle speed down a little bit, bingo, presto, problem, or quasiproblem solved.